The first thing to know

If you’ve realised the person you were communicating with isn’t who they claimed to be, your strongest instinct is probably to confront them, demand an explanation, or threaten to expose them. Don’t. The criminals running these operations are professional and have multiple defensive playbooks. Engagement after discovery achieves three things, all bad: it tells them you’ve become a recovery target rather than a continuing source; it gives them an opportunity to extract more money under emotional pressure; and it costs you preservation of the evidence trail by giving them time to delete or modify content.

Step 1 — Stop all further contact, but preserve everything

• Don’t reply to any messages from the scammer or anyone claiming to know them.
• Don’t delete the conversation history, photos they sent, or anything else they shared. This is evidence.
• Take screenshots of every conversation, profile page, and shared media before you block them. Screenshots preserve metadata that the criminal can’t edit later.
• Don’t close your account on the dating platform yet. The platform may have evidence (IP logs, account history) that you’ll need for a police investigation. Block the user; report the account; keep your account live for at least 30 days.
• Export the full conversation if the platform supports it (most do). WhatsApp, Telegram and most dating platforms export conversations as text or PDF.

Step 2 — If you sent money: stop the bleed immediately

1. Call your bank’s fraud line using the number on the back of your card, not a number from any email. State: “I’ve been the victim of an Authorised Push Payment fraud through a romance scam. I’m calling to log a claim under the PSR Mandatory Reimbursement Scheme.”
2. Lock any cards the scammer may have details for.
3. Set up the PSR claim using our PSR Claim Wizard. The wizard frames the claim in scheme-correct language and addresses the common bank pushback paths.
4. If you paid by credit or debit card: file a chargeback OR Section 75 claim using our Chargeback Generator.
5. If you paid in cryptocurrency: recovery is extremely limited. Contact the exchange you used (especially if it was a UK-FCA-regulated firm); they may be able to flag the recipient address. Don’t engage with anyone promising to recover crypto for a fee — these are recovery scams.

Step 3 — Defend your identity

Romance scammers harvest large amounts of personal data over the course of the “relationship”: full name, address, DOB, occupation, family details, sometimes financial information. This data is later resold or used for identity fraud.

• File a CIFAS Protective Registration: see our CIFAS Walkthrough. £25 for 2 years. Flags your identity across the entire UK financial-services industry.
• Pull your credit files from Experian, Equifax, and TransUnion. See our identity-theft recovery guide for the full sequence.
• Set up email and 2FA lockdown: change passwords, enable app-based 2FA, review forwarding rules.
• If you sent intimate images / personal information: see the sextortion section below.

Step 4 — Report to authorities

1. Report Fraud: reportfraud.police.uk or 0300 123 2040. You need the crime reference for the bank claim and ongoing protection. See our Report Fraud guide.
2. The dating platform: report the user via the platform’s in-app report function. Major platforms (Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, Match.com) have dedicated trust-and-safety teams. They may not be able to recover your money but they can ban the account and add the data to industry-wide blocklists.
3. If the contact was on Facebook or Instagram: report the profile via the platform’s report flow, then escalate via the trust-and-safety email if there’s evidence of organised fraud.
4. If the scam involved a fake investment platform: report the firm to the FCA via fca.org.uk/scam and check whether it’s already on the FCA Warning List.
5. If intimate images were involved: report via the Revenge Porn Helpline at 0345 6000 459 (only between 10am-4pm Monday-Friday) or via stopncii.org for image-removal across major platforms.

Step 5 — The recovery scam ambush

Within days or weeks of the original loss, you will be approached by someone claiming to be able to recover your money. The pitch is always tailored to romance-scam victims: “blockchain forensics expert”, “FCA-affiliated investigator”, “ex-FBI recovery specialist”, “crypto recovery firm with FCA registration”. Every single one is a second-stage scam. The FCA logged 4,465 fake-FCA recovery scams in just six months of 2025.

• Genuine SRA-regulated solicitors operate on no-win-no-fee for clearly meritorious cases. They never ask for upfront payment in crypto or to unfamiliar accounts.
• The FCA never personally contacts individual victims. Anyone claiming to be from the FCA and offering recovery is a scammer.
• Report Fraud / Police never charge a fee to investigate fraud.
• If someone contacts you offering recovery and asks for ANY upfront payment: it’s a recovery scam. Walk away.

Step 6 — Sextortion variant

If the “relationship” involved intimate images or video, the scam often pivots to sextortion. The criminal threatens to share the material with your family, employer, or social media network unless you pay.

• Don’t pay. Payment doesn’t make the threat go away — it confirms you as a paying target.
• Use stopncii.org: hashes your images and prevents them being uploaded to participating platforms (Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Reddit, OnlyFans, etc.). The hash is calculated on your device; you never upload the image itself.
• Lock down your social media: set everything to private; remove or hide your family-and-friends list; revoke third-party app access.
• Report to police via 101 (non-emergency). Sextortion is a criminal offence under the Criminal Justice and Courts Act 2015 (England and Wales).
• If you’re under 18 or the images involve someone under 18: contact the Internet Watch Foundation immediately at iwf.org.uk and the police.

Step 7 — Emotional aftercare

Romance-scam victimisation comes with disproportionate emotional damage compared to other fraud categories. This is not a failure of intelligence or judgement — you were targeted by a professional who invested weeks or months in building rapport. Shame is the criminal’s weapon; processing the loss is your recovery.

• Tell someone you trust. The instinct to keep it private — especially from family who might not understand — isolates you and benefits no one but the criminal.
• Use the Victim Support service: victimsupport.org.uk or 0808 168 9111. Free, confidential, specifically trained in romance-scam emotional support.
• If your distress is significant: speak to your GP. Romance-scam victims are at materially higher risk of clinical depression and suicidal ideation; this is recognised and there’s no judgement.
• Online support groups for romance-scam victims exist. Many are good (e.g. the SCARS Society). Vet carefully — some are themselves vehicles for follow-on scams.

Common scenarios

The “US military” / “oil rig engineer” archetype

Classic profile: middle-aged, attractive, working overseas, unable to video call due to operational restrictions. After 6-12 weeks of grooming, requests money for “emergency leave”, “medical evacuation”, “visa fees”, or “customs charges”. Variants: oil rig engineer, doctor on UN deployment, NASA contractor.

The “crypto investment” pivot (pig-butchering)

The relationship is the cover; the scam is investment-based. The “partner” introduces a “successful crypto trading platform” that they’re “teaching you to use”. Initial small deposits show fake gains. Larger deposits follow. Withdrawal attempts trigger “tax” or “verification” demands that drain remaining funds.

The “sick child” / “dying parent” emergency

After establishing rapport, the “partner” has an emotional crisis — a child or parent needs medical treatment, the partner needs urgent funds to cover it, the partner promises to repay as soon as they can. Often follows the “why didn’t you trust me?” emotional-blackmail pattern.

The “sextortion” pivot

The relationship rapidly moves to intimate content. Once the criminal has the material, the threat begins. See Step 6 above.

Related scam guides

• How to report a scam
• PSR Claim Wizard
• Bank refund after scam (PSR)
• Identity stolen — recovery
• FOS complaint guide
• I've been scammed — what next
• Report Fraud reporting
• CIFAS Walkthrough